Redux

My attempts at posting a blog once a month have been futile. I'm beginning to realize I don't know what to write about anymore - the things that used to bother me have lost their shock value and I find myself accepting things more and more easily. As a matter of fact, most of the things that used to bother me seem trivial now. I wonder why that is. Suddenly it feels like I've been here before. This hotel room, this city, this night, this train of thought; and I begin to wonder if my thought processes are evolving at all. If I stay at the same point of awareness and never open my eyes any wider; never wonder why I am the way I am - what does that say about my life? One likes to think that a life well-lived is where one reaches his or her full potential, but if I find myself plateauing out, is this the equivalent of death? And even now as I continue forward with this thought process, I wonder if this, too, is not a repeat of a previous thought conceived on some other similar night in some other similar hotel room. And if that is the case, I seem to find myself at this point again and again. Is this a plateau or a sign of a steeper inclination - some possible enlightenment not too far away but just unobtainable at the moment. From a mathematical standpoint, if this is a steeper incline then a boost in momentum should help me acheive higher ground; just how to acheive said momentum is lost on me. Yet at the same time, to be perfectly rational, there is always the possibility that this is as far as I'm going to get. Sad thing is, I can accept the facts: I can accept where I am and who I am... just don't know what it means. Hopefully, this unknowing is promise of growth ahead of me.