Catch 22

Commitment scares me. It's not the idea of never being romantically or sexually involved with another person besides your partner that terrifies me - it's the fact that there really is no security or guarantee. When you put yourself out there on that tree branch who's to say that your partner will stay faithful or hell, that you yourself will remain faithful. I'm scared shitless. I don't want to be the girl that cheats on her boyfriend nor the girl that gets cheated on. I like my independence. I like knowing that if I'm alone, there's no chance of me getting hurt or getting my heart broken. But at the same time, the catch is that with that solitude I won't be able to discover my better half, my soul mate, my love. So many books and songs preach that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all but have those people ever walked in on their partner engaged in sexual intercourse with their own cousin? Witness that, manage to keep the same "keep on keepin' on" attitude and then I'll listen to your ramblings more earnestly. I suppose this whole entry has to deal with inner guilt and insecurities and whatnot, but because I'm not laying on a couch and Freud isn't around to psychoanalyze me and blame my mother for my inability to trust then we'll call it a night.