My quest for enlightenment

I wish I was more insightful and profound. I'd like to fancy myself an educated woman with a good head on her shoulders. Pick an adjective that describes a down-to-earth person with common sense and an original idea to his or her name, and that describes me. Well, I'd like it to. But as the days progress, I'm wondering if that's an accurate statement or a very frivolous folly. Have you ever felt that way...whoever you are? Have you ever wondered if the image that you have of yourself is accurate or just your ego constructing a cruel illusion...or is it just me? For the longest time I thought that I had lived life to the fullest. Loved and lost, dared and dreamed, failed horribly and succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. But as soon as I look back at my life, the second I look around me, people seem to have escalated to this pinnacle so far above me, where they understand human nature and the way things work and I feel like a baby, like all my experiences count for nothing. There is an antecdote, that reads "a man does not make the journey, the journey makes the man." Life is a journey, one on which all of us venture, but what is the final outcome if the journey is not a rigorous one? What if, instead of being met with obstacle after impending obstacle, the path is smooth and paved and relatively easy to travel? Are you less of a man at the end? I don't understand. I don't know. I wish I did; I wish that God or someone with a bit of enlightenment could give me the damn cheat sheet. God please give me strength. And a rocky path ahead of me. Thanks.